Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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