plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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