Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize