You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
