This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
