hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
