Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Randomize
