she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
