i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
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