Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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