Porn is love you can see.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize