a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
she pinky promised me she was 18
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
