I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Randomize
