When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
