i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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