captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
