Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
me + whiskey = a bad person
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
