I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
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