WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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