Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
