the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Randomize
