They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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