i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
she peed on how many people?
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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