Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
He passed out mid-signature
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
