There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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