Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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