Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
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You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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