As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
