i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
