If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
