i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
