apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
