I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
