So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
