When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
