Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
