I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
