You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
