My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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