You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I will pee on everything he values.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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