The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
