That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I just blew my weed a kiss
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
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