do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I didn't notice because vodka
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
