she woke up with a sticky ear
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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