Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
