I never want to see another naked old woman again.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
