it hurts more in the daytime
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
