I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
