Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
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