Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Sorry my hands just texted you
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
