That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Randomize
