I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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