rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
