I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
