Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
This house was built for laser tag.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
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