you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
