Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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