Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
