You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I got inside last night via doggy door
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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