I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Randomize
