You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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