So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
