I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
