At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
My balls are so social today.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
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