I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Randomize
