this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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