I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
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