Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
NoShamevember. You game?
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
