I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Randomize
