stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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