She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
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I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
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My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Can vaginas get frostbite?
My ass is underappreciated
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
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