there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
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