why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Randomize
