people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
