its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize