i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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