My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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