Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Randomize
