if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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